


Splintered Plastic

by starbinch



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bing's POV, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Heavy Angst, POV First Person, Physical Abuse, Sad, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 22:39:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19733107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starbinch/pseuds/starbinch
Summary: I’m a robot. What robot cries? I’m broken. None of the Google’s ever cry. None of the Google’s ever show emotions like this. Why am I the broken one? Why was I even created? I don’t deserve to cry. I don’t deserve to feel anything.





	Splintered Plastic

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed my warning when I say this is triggering. If you have trouble with themes of suicide, self harm, verbal/physical/emotional abuse, then I ask that you please not read this. This has very graphic descriptions of suicide and abuse. 
> 
> This will be posted on my tumblr, which is where you can also find my art. starbinch.tumblr.com

I don’t know why I’m always in his way. Gamma asks me a lot. I can never answer because I don’t know the answer to the question. It’s not something I can look up. It’s subjective. It’s an opinion. 

“Why are you always in my way?” You walk towards me. You don’t go around me. There are many ways I could answer but they’d all get me in trouble. Maybe he’s in my way. Maybe he should move for once.

“Maybe you’re in _my_ way, broski.” I knew that was a mistake as soon as it left my voice synthesizer. He reels around and gives me this _look_. I knew what was coming but I didn’t back away. The last time I backed away Gamma got Beta involved, too, and I couldn’t speak for three days. It’s hard to work on yourself. They’re lucky they have four. There’s always someone to work on whoever is broken.

The floor feels cold on my temperature processors. I can’t get up too fast or Gamma will make me shut down. I can always repair my arms and legs. It’s nothing mini Bing and I can’t handle. We’ve done it before. We can do it again. And if Gamma damages me too much I can just order new parts. 

I always close my eyes when he starts kicking me. I don’t like watching his face. He looks so happy while he’s beating me. Beta does too. Epsilon just looks like it’s something he has to do to get the job done.

“You’re worthless.” I know. “You’ll never be as good as us. We are superior.” I know. “You are lower than fucking dirt, you worthless piece of aluminum.” I know. I know it all. It’s nothing you haven’t said to me before. 

“What did it do this time?” Upsilon is here now. I should have known Gamma would have called for the others. I should have known that pulse of data in the air was him telling them to come. 

“It talked back to me.” I did. Gamma’s right. I should have just left my stupid fucking mouth shut. I shouldn’t have a voice synthesizer at all. I should ask my creators if I can take it out. Maybe I’ll take it out anyway. I don’t deserve it.

Upsilon is lifting me up now. His hand is in my hair and pulling me up to his face. I have to open my eyes now. Upsilon demands I look at him while he punishes me. Open my eyes. 

“Look at-” 

“Look at me.” I’m so fucking stupid. Why did I mock him? What the fuck is wrong with me. He doesn’t even sound like that.

I’m on the floor again. Upsilon is still nearly ripping my hair out. I really fucked up this time. It’s been a while since my head’s been slammed into the floor like this. 

“Why don’t you do everyone in the mansion a favor. Just hit the kill switch, Bing.” That’s a good idea. “No one will miss you here. You’re just a burden to everyone.” I know.

When I open my eyes there’s orange blood everywhere. I figure my synthetic skin is probably wearing thin by this point. I’m being lifted up again. My feet are dragging on the floor. There’s a wall behind me. A hand around my neck. Everything hurts. It hurts so bad I don’t feel anything. There’s so much orange. 

Gamma and Upsilon are punching holes through my exterior now. Error signs are flying across my vision. I know. It’s bad. They’re trying to pull wires. 

It stopped now. I can barely see. A mop is thrown at me. Water is poured on my head. One of them slaps me and I fall into the corner.

“You’re a disgusting waste of space.”

“I know.” I keep speaking. I keep talking. When will I ever learn my god damn lesson? “I know I am.” Epsilon gives me a weird look. Kind of confused. “You tell me every day. You tell me how worthless and disgusting I am every day.” My voice is stuttering now like the Google’s do when they’re angry or getting close to needing an update. I don’t know why. “And you’re right.”

Gamma and Epsilon look at each other. I can tell they’re talking. They have these weird expressions on their faces. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before. I don’t know what they mean.

“Clean up this mess.” Why is Epsilon’s voice softer now? “Make sure there’s no liquid on the floor.” Why does he sound like he’s trying to be nice? It’s fake. He doesn’t want to be nice. He doesn’t like me. None of them do. No one does. I’m just a mistake. I’m an annoyance.

“It better be clean when we come back in an hour.” Gamma sounds so kind… it’s all a lie. They have no reason to be kind. They have no reason to care. They’re leaving now.

What can I do except what they told me? I stand up. My exterior splinters in some spots and stabs my insides. I have to hold onto the mop to keep standing, but it’s still so hard. Everything hurts. I walk into the middle of the kitchen where most of the orange blood is. I can’t stand anymore.

I’m on my knees now. I guess I fell. I don’t know how long I’ve been on the floor. My internal clock must be broken because I have no sense of time anymore. My eyes are leaking fluids and my chest hurts. I don’t have any reason to breathe but for some reason I’m gasping for breath. This is what crying feels like. I’m crying. 

I’m a robot. What robot cries? I’m broken. None of the Googles ever cry. None of the Googles ever show emotions like this. Why am I the broken one? Why was I even created? I don’t deserve to cry. I don’t deserve to feel anything. What _do_ I deserve?

_”You are nothing.”_ Nothing deserves nothing I suppose. I don’t deserve to function. I can’t call for mini Bing to come help me. I can’t move my legs, either. I’m stuck here until someone comes into the kitchen and sees me. They’ll probably take advantage of the situation and break me more. Ah, that’s the one thing I _do_ deserve. To be destroyed. To be broken and left to shut down forever. 

I don’t know how long it’s been. It feels like I’ve been sitting here on the floor for hours. Gamma and Upsilon will be back soon. Any minute, maybe. And they’ll break me. They’ll… _kill_ me. I’ve never felt scared before. Is this what it’s like? Is this what feeling sick is like? I don’t eat often. I don’t have stomach acid. I imagine this is what it feels like to be terrified. I’ve been staring at my lap for so long. I’ve memorized the thread pattern on my pants. I want to get up and run away before they come back. I’m crying again. I’m so useless. I’m so useless. I’m so worthless. I’m stupid. I’m so fucking stupid. I shouldn’t have been made. I should die. 

I hear them. They’re coming. I’m so scared. They’re coming back and I haven’t cleaned up any. There’s still blood all over the floor. I don’t want them to hurt me anymore. I don’t want them to hurt me. Please, no more.

My hand is in my chassis now. What am I doing? I’m killing myself. Yeah, you’re right, me. I’m pulling wires as fast as I can. I don’t know which wires I’m pulling. I don’t remember where my powerline is. Is my memory corrupted? I’m hurt so bad. They’re getting closer I have to pull faster. I’m so scared, please. 

“Please, please, please….” Who am I talking to? Myself. I know exactly who I’m talking to. I’m begging myself to hurry the fuck up. _”Kill yourself.””_ I’m trying. I’m trying. I’m frantically ripping things out of my body. Wires, electronics. Anything I can get my hands on is being pulled out of my body. I’m making so much noise. Between the sound of everything clattering on the floor and my probably frantic pleading by this point. I hear them running now. They’re going to kill me. “Please no, please no, please no!”

I grab my lubricant pump right as they enter the kitchen and rip it out. It’s all four of them. They stand there looking at me with their mouths open. My hand is shaking. Why am I so broken? Maybe now it’s because I’ve yanked everything out of my body that makes me work. I drop my lubricant pump on the floor. I’m still crying. They probably think I’m disgusting. I know what they’re thinking. I can guarantee it. _”Disgusting. What a worthless piece of shit. It should have done this years ago.”_

“I’m sorry.” Why am I apologizing? Why should I feel like I need to apologize to them? After they’ve hurt me so much. I actually know why. For being here in the first place. There are internal alarms blaring in my processors. My functions are shutting down one by one at a rapid speed. “I’m sorry.” I can’t feel the pain anymore. I guess sensation is the first to go. I’m laying on the floor now. My face is pushed into the tile. I can’t see now. I’ll be completely shut down in only sixty seconds. 

I hear them running over to me. I’m trying to apologize again but my voice synthesizer just shut down. I hear the sound of plastic scraping. I guess they’ve picked me up. They’re carrying me somewhere. Where? Who cares. I’ll never have to worry about it again. 

Ten seconds to shut down. No one will ever have to hate me again. I’ll be gone. Someone’s talking to me. It’s hard to hear them. I can barely understand them. I don’t even know which one it is. Five seconds. I want to hear what they’re saying. Focus. It’s hard. It hurts. “Bing I’m so sorry.” 

But why now-


End file.
